Monday, May 16, 2005

Whore Island - just like Fiji, only FUNNER! -or- Paradise: Found

permalink this post for a free trip to Whore Island!
I managed to squeeze in a couple hours by my pool this weekend, in between my bouts of drunken shopping and drunken.. well, general living, and since I've succeeded in getting tan so badly burned it should be mere minutes until the skin cancer sets in, I've started to think about summer vacations. After hours of compiling research from sources such as travelocity, beautifulpeople.net, and google maps, I've managed to discover the #1 hotspot for 2005 summer getaways - Whore Island.
Now if you're not sold by now (even though I'm sure you are), let me give you a little spiel (as I have now been hired by their tourism center as an Official Representative of Whore Island).
breathtaking.
Whore Island was originally established as a detention center for unruly French whores back in the 1800s and has since thrived as the most elite, yet fulfilling tourist spot for whores and whore lovers alike. Note it's shape. It looks like a boob, with lake Nippleooza forming the nipple. It literally is quite breathtaking, as you can hear gasps and moans coming from the island from as far as 2 miles away on a clear day!
When booking your trip to Whore Island, you must decide which of the four regions you would like to arrive in: Drunken Whoreasia, Old Whorington, Filthy Whoropolis, or Stupid Whorangeles.
pretty colors
I personally will be spending most of my trip in Drunk Whorasia, where the main attractions are the numerous bars, penny pitchers, wet t-shirt contests, sprawling nude beaches, and frequent visits from celebs such as Tara Reid (honorary mayor of Drunk Whorasia), Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Kim Stewart, and Bijou Phillips.
For those of you with less discerning taste, may I suggest a trip to Filthy Whoropolis. Major draws to this province of the island include no shoes or showers, all the leftovers you could want, kinky and raunchy sex, and appearances from stars like Courtney Love, Paris Hilton, Joanie "Chyna Doll" Lauer, and Jenna Jameson. There are little to no rules in Filthy Whoropolis, and things tend to get pretty crazy over there.
Many men like their women aged like fine wines, and for you lovers of classics, we have Old Whorington. Here you'll find the more experienced whores who have a few more years, and notches, under their belts. Old Whorington boasts fine wine, classic movies in all theatres, free babysitting, and fine ladies such as Pam Anderson, Traci Bingham, Brigette Nielsen, and Heidi Fleiss.
Finally, for those of you who don't really value deep conversation or any intelligence at all in your whores, may I suggest Stupid Whorangeles. You only have to communicate through hand motions and grunts here, all the while rubbing elbows with the stupidest whores of all time, such as Paris Hilton, Trishelle from RW:LV, Anna Nicole Smith, and Jennifer Lopez.
Each section of Whore Island is unique and special in its own way, and I suggest you tour the entire island to really get the "Whoring Around Experience".

Whore Island also provides all visitors with complimentary condoms, KY jelly, and flavored lube upon your arrival, and t-shirts upon your departure.
For the men:
thats hott
And one for the ladies:
thats hott

Book your trip today!


And for all of you who can't afford to fly all the way to Whore Island, may I welcome you to head over to Robertson Blvd in LA to visit the Whore Island mainland satellite:
whore central